Learning Curve

A WITNESS BY SHAWN DUNHAM

2 Timothy 1:7: For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline. 

These are the words that have powered me over the past two years. I recognized by reading The Confidence Code that I was not fully participating in life. The fear of not being good enough was holding me back from many things. I was so conscious of my own foibles and frailties that I shied away from positions of leadership. I didn’t want to put myself out there for others to judge and, in my mind, who would judge me as inadequate.

I became aware that I was not allowing myself a learning curve. Rather I was imposing on myself the burden of having to perform perfectly in every new endeavor. “Why try, when you know you will stumble along the way?” I would ask myself. Too aware of my perceived flaws, hyper-focused on what was lacking versus what was.

Discovering this scripture helped me to realize that fear and timidity is not what God desires for me. It became my mantra, one that I used to remind myself not to hold back, but instead to move forward in confidence. So when I was asked to serve on the Vestry, I said yes. When I was offered the opportunity to assume a supervisory position at work, I said yes. I have performed these roles imperfectly, but boldly.

Joan Chittister writes in Following the Path, “What fills the heart with happiness is not what we get out of the world; it’s what we put into it. Being about something worthwhile, spending our lives on something worth spending a life on is what, in the end, makes us happy.” I couldn’t agree more.

You can’t make a difference in this world standing on the sidelines. By holding back, I was missing God’s call to me. Missing opportunities to apply my gifts - maybe even missing tasks that God desired me to perform. How can you be God’s hands and feet in the world if you always hold back in fear?

To better serve God, I’ll need to apply myself, step out, take a chance, explore, examine, make false attempts and build skills. I’ll need to leverage my God given gifts and hone them through practice. I’ll need to accept new roles with the understanding that I will likely perform them imperfectly. Yet as a dear friend said to me, “it doesn’t matter if someone else could perform this role better. That someone else is not here. You are.”

So in this season of my life I am allowing myself a learning curve. Not requiring perfection, but embracing the journey. Saying yes to God’s spirit of power and love and self-discipline. The power which can work through me to bring more love into the world. Think of the possibilities if each of us could commit to living out this scripture (imperfectly) today.

—Shawn Dunham serves on the Vestry at Christ Church Episcopal